15 Months Old and Killer Transitions

It's 2p.m. and Declan just got quiet.  I'm holding my breath.

More and more every day a little piece of my desire to know all there is to know about baby sleep gets chipped off by the impossibility of this one bit: 2 to 1 nap transition.  I've talked and typed about this monumental event since he turned 13 months.  That's when it all started.

We were trucking along merrily for a few weeks with 1hr+ naps at 9am and 1pm and bedtime at 6:15pm, wake up at 7am.  It was glorious!  I had read about the transition to 1 nap and I had been forewarned about resisting the urge to rush it (which I was determined not to do) and that it was going to be a difficult few weeks or even months, no matter what.  I read that most babies don't transition until they are about 15 months old, too, so when his 2nd nap started to shorten at 13 months, I was very confused and panicky.  To make sure he didn't get overtired, I moved his bedtime earlier to 5:30.  A couple of weeks went by and the 2nd nap was short or nonexistent most days, despite my efforts.  I knew it was too early for him to go to one nap, but I joined other moms of 13 month olds on forums asking the same questions that I was. 

Now that Declan is 15 months old, I'm back on the boards.  Most days he has been refusing his morning nap, or taking it so late that there was no chance for a second nap.  Some days he will still take his two naps (like today).  I can't help but know this too shall pass, but it doesn't stop me from clamoring to find out what to do.

Do I wake him up if his nap occurs too late in order to protect his next nap or bedtime?
Should I keep offering a morning nap each day and only give him one nap if he refuses the morning one?

Should I just push him to one midday nap from here on out, brace myself, and wait for the dust to settle?

I've had lots of people tell me to push him to one nap.  It's not enough, and he's very overtired by bedtime, which makes for a rough night and early wake up. 

So our days are filled with catch 22s.  I'll probably never find the perfect solution, but it helps to have the mentality of taking each day as it presents itself.  And I'm very thankful for an easy going little boy, who's temper doesn't vary a whole lot if he has a bad day of sleep.

The Napping Window

This info is for a baby 4-8 months old.

If your baby isn't sleeping as well or as much as you think he or she should, then you're probably always searching for something else to try.  You're clinging to hope that maybe this is the key.  If you're like me, you optimistically go ahead and make yourself a to-do list for next week because you just know you're going to have all of this free time to kill while your baby sleeps.

In case you don't know, my Declan (7 months old) is was a serial cat napper.  He would take four to five 30-45 minute naps a day.  Not only was this frustrating because I'm supposed to be working from home, but I knew deep down that it wasn't healthy.  I know that consolidated sleep is best (did you know that?) and that 30 minutes is like 1 sleep cycle... no bueno. 

The past couple of days I learned some more.  Short naps can be an indicator of over tiredness.  How did I miss that one?  I guess I didn't think that falling short of the recommended 14 hours minimum of sleep for his age by just an hour (he was getting about 13 hours in a 24 hour period... on good days) would still have him being so overtired that it would affect him this way.  But I'm here to say that almost enough sleep is not good enough!  The deficit, no matter how tiny you may think it is, can still cause sleep problems (like short naps, or night wakings... check, check).

So now I have something for you to try!  (Get your to-do lists ready (c;)

If your routine is loose, like, your baby is napping at different times every day (outside of a 30 minute flex range), then you may feel like you don't have a good idea of when your baby naturally grows tired.  Or maybe you feel like you do.  Either way, consider this:  very common nap windows occur at 9am and 1pm.  If your baby sleeps past 7-7:30am-ish, you might want to consider waking him or her at 7 each day in order to maintain a routine.  I know, I know, it hurts if you are accustomed to sleeping in.  But if your little one is having sleep problems, think of it as part of the solution.  Feed, play with, change your baby, etc.  But at about 8:45am, start soothing your baby down for the first nap.  Your baby probably won't seem tired at this time, but understand that you are trying to catch them before they get too tired.  When a baby gets too far into the "tired zone," their bodies release hormones to keep them awake.  That's why they fight sleep if they're overtired. "It's not logical, it's biological."  Whenever Declan fights his naps, I know it's because I waited too long to put him down.  So, the goal is to get them to sleep as close to 9am as possible. 

Over a couple of days of trying this, you may find that your baby needs to take his/her naps earlier or (be careful with this one) later.  9am and 1pm are common nap windows, but it's up to you to tell if that needs some tailoring.  For Declan, 9am and 1pm happen to work great, although he has been fighting his 1pm nap for the past 2 days, I might try to put him down at 12:45 (start soothing at 12:35) today.

Focusing on these nap windows has Declan taking 1hr 15min (sometimes longer) naps at 9am and 1pm.  I also give him another nap at 4:30pm which is ideally an hour, but it is preferable that the baby has an early bedtime rather than a 3rd nap.  We have found, at least for now, that Dec won't go down for the night unless he goes to sleep at 8pm, not a minute earlier.  I suspect that he's too overtired to calm down by then, so my plan is to get him rested up through our new improved nap routine and then try an earlier bedtime in a week or two. 

As always with baby sleep, when you're trying something new give it 4 days.  After trying it consistently for 4 days, you'll know if it's working or not.  Don't be surprised (but you're welcome to be impressed) if better naps help nighttime sleep, too!

Giving Him the First Year, My Practice of Mothering

Click to read others' practices in Sarah's Practices of Parenting Carnival on Monday, February 6.

Sarah at Emerging Mummy asked her readers to share their practices of mothering.  She has a really awesome series on her own practices.  I loved the idea, but I didn't think I would submit anything myself.  It came to me today.  Ryan, my husband, was reminding me of a principle my great-grandmother talked to him about over Christmas: give them the first year.  My great-grandmother (My 7 1/2 month old son Declan's great-great at 89 years old!) was a little bit of an entrepreneur.  She had consignment shops, a house cleaning service, and she was involved at church over the years.  When she was a young mother, though, she put these things on hold to focus on her babies. 

I think about this principle whenever I feel outside pressure to compromise Declan's schedule.  For our family, giving him the first year translates to staying home a lot.  Babies need more sleep than most people (Americans?) think.  His feeding, nap, and bedtime routines are very important to me in order to maintain his comfort and sense of security.  I want to rock him in his nursery and for him to be able to sleep in his own bed, still and quiet and clean in a fresh diaper with his blanket and his white noise; I want him to know where he is when he wakes; I want him to know that I'll come to him with big smiles when he finishes a good nap.  These things are his to rely on and he can feel that all is safe and normal.

There are things that Ryan and I miss out on because of our dedication (some may call it obsession) to our son's routine.  We do make allowances for specific occasions and on Sundays for church (our service meets in the evening).  Although it would be nice to have more flexibility to run errands, have dinner parties with friends, or do other evening church functions, we believe we are doing something more important.  I don't know many other people with young babies that give up their pre-baby lifestyle.  I understand that decision and sadly I think it's a strong aspect of Western culture, but I can't honestly say I support it (even though it's none of my business).  My husband and I believe that through this temporary sacrifice (which, let's face it, is just the beginning -- you're a parent by the way!), he will grow into a healthier, happier, smarter, and self-controlled child.