Giving Him the First Year, My Practice of Mothering

Click to read others' practices in Sarah's Practices of Parenting Carnival on Monday, February 6.

Sarah at Emerging Mummy asked her readers to share their practices of mothering.  She has a really awesome series on her own practices.  I loved the idea, but I didn't think I would submit anything myself.  It came to me today.  Ryan, my husband, was reminding me of a principle my great-grandmother talked to him about over Christmas: give them the first year.  My great-grandmother (My 7 1/2 month old son Declan's great-great at 89 years old!) was a little bit of an entrepreneur.  She had consignment shops, a house cleaning service, and she was involved at church over the years.  When she was a young mother, though, she put these things on hold to focus on her babies. 

I think about this principle whenever I feel outside pressure to compromise Declan's schedule.  For our family, giving him the first year translates to staying home a lot.  Babies need more sleep than most people (Americans?) think.  His feeding, nap, and bedtime routines are very important to me in order to maintain his comfort and sense of security.  I want to rock him in his nursery and for him to be able to sleep in his own bed, still and quiet and clean in a fresh diaper with his blanket and his white noise; I want him to know where he is when he wakes; I want him to know that I'll come to him with big smiles when he finishes a good nap.  These things are his to rely on and he can feel that all is safe and normal.

There are things that Ryan and I miss out on because of our dedication (some may call it obsession) to our son's routine.  We do make allowances for specific occasions and on Sundays for church (our service meets in the evening).  Although it would be nice to have more flexibility to run errands, have dinner parties with friends, or do other evening church functions, we believe we are doing something more important.  I don't know many other people with young babies that give up their pre-baby lifestyle.  I understand that decision and sadly I think it's a strong aspect of Western culture, but I can't honestly say I support it (even though it's none of my business).  My husband and I believe that through this temporary sacrifice (which, let's face it, is just the beginning -- you're a parent by the way!), he will grow into a healthier, happier, smarter, and self-controlled child.

Saying Goodbye for a While

This week I hugged Whitney and her family goodbye for a little while.  Whitney and I were friends in high school and were college roommates all 3 years (even though everyone said we'd get tired of each other).  We were in each others' weddings (us: June 2009, them: January 2010), and we were watching a movie at her house the night she told me that she might be pregnant.  Even though it was (what we thought of as) bad timing for both of us, we joked about going through that next stage in life together, too.  Little did either of us know or expect that about a month after that night I would be texting her with the news that it was happening.

Now we have our boys, Declan and Micah, 5 weeks apart.  It would be too perfect for them to grow together and have each other to play with, though.  Whitney and her husband have moved to another city in another state for at least a year, and who knows after that?  At least our parents still live 10 minutes apart and we can meet up when we're visiting them for the holidays.  I'll miss you, Roomie, and I hope that Micah and Declan can play together in the future!