"I don't let my child's naps hinder
me from doing my grocery shopping!"
Sleep is under-emphasized in our society. We burn the candle at both ends. We work weekends. Yet our kids are important to us, too, so we tote them around, taking them with us to Wal-mart at all times of the day and night and bringing them along to parties. The general consensus is that you've got a "good sleeper" if your kid will crash anywhere.
The problem with this is the quality of sleep. In a nutshell, sleep is a complicated state that occurs best when it's the right time. Fluctuating hormones cause us all to enter sleep states and wake states throughout a 24 hour period (see the Napping Window). It is possible to put a child to sleep during a wake state (although it will probably take a long time!) but because of the increased cortisol hormone, the sleep will not be as deep and the sleep period will probably be short.
All of that to say that, after 4 months of age, a routine helps to train a child's body when it's time to sleep.
Just as important as the timing is the place. Although she looks completely zonked, a soft blanket and a shopping cart are no substitute for her bed. You're familiar with sleep cycles, right? Fall asleep, get deeper into sleep, cycle up to a lighter sleep state, and then without waking, go back into a deeper sleep. Many cycles per night. The reason that still, quiet sleep is the most restorative is because the motion and the noise hinder getting into that deep sleep state. Her mind is not able to rest.
I don't want to make anyone mad, but I do think that parents are sadly unaware of some facts about their child's sleep. First of all, some things I've heard parents say.
• My child just isn't the type to conform to a sleep routine.
• My child doesn't need as much sleep as other children.
• Our family is on the go. It's best if our child just gets used to it now!
If you've found yourself thinking or saying something like this before, please consider some of these symptoms of over tiredness in babies and young children.
• Waking grumpy vs. happy
• Unable to play happily by themselves during their wake time
He crashed. Kinda funny, but
really just kinda sad.
• Unexplained fussing
• Yawning or rubbing eyes a lot
• Fidgety or spazzy
• Easily startled
• Irregular sleep patterns
• Fights naps and/or bedtime
• Random unexplained night wakings
• Complains of headache or stomach ache
• Seemingly not tired when you know they should be
• Waking within minutes after being put down for a nap
• Crashing randomly
Imagine what it feels like when you haven't gotten enough sleep. Miserable, right? What's work like the day after you haven't gotten enough sleep? I'll skip to the chase because I think you get my drift. A bad attitude and a hard-to-pin-down schedule today are the least of your concerns when your child is sleep deprived. Weissbluth writes, "Small but constant deficits in sleep over time tend to have escalating and perhaps long-term effects on brain function." Not to mention the affect sleep has on health. Some long-term affects of a child who does not get healthy sleep can be decreased mental focus, insomnia, ADD and ADHD. People take medicine and suffer from these ailments that might have never occurred had they been getting enough sleep.
Eliminating a child's sleep deficit is not easy, but anything you can do to help your child get more sleep (the right kind of sleep... still, quiet, consolidated, and regular) will benefit their health and development. If you want to get started, you know the book I'll recommend. I love to talk about this stuff (can you tell?) so please let me know if I can be of any support.
Sarah at Emerging Mummy asked her readers to share their practices of mothering. She has a really awesome series on her own practices. I loved the idea, but I didn't think I would submit anything myself. It came to me today. Ryan, my husband, was reminding me of a principle my great-grandmother talked to him about over Christmas: give them the first year. My great-grandmother (My 7 1/2 month old son Declan's great-great at 89 years old!) was a little bit of an entrepreneur. She had consignment shops, a house cleaning service, and she was involved at church over the years. When she was a young mother, though, she put these things on hold to focus on her babies.
I think about this principle whenever I feel outside pressure to compromise Declan's schedule. For our family, giving him the first year translates to staying home a lot. Babies need more sleep than most people (Americans?) think. His feeding, nap, and bedtime routines are very important to me in order to maintain his comfort and sense of security. I want to rock him in his nursery and for him to be able to sleep in his own bed, still and quiet and clean in a fresh diaper with his blanket and his white noise; I want him to know where he is when he wakes; I want him to know that I'll come to him with big smiles when he finishes a good nap. These things are his to rely on and he can feel that all is safe and normal.
There are things that Ryan and I miss out on because of our dedication (some may call it obsession) to our son's routine. We do make allowances for specific occasions and on Sundays for church (our service meets in the evening). Although it would be nice to have more flexibility to run errands, have dinner parties with friends, or do other evening church functions, we believe we are doing something more important. I don't know many other people with young babies that give up their pre-baby lifestyle. I understand that decision and sadly I think it's a strong aspect of Western culture, but I can't honestly say I support it (even though it's none of my business). My husband and I believe that through this temporary sacrifice (which, let's face it, is just the beginning -- you're a parent by the way!), he will grow into a healthier, happier, smarter, and self-controlled child.
We're 7 months into this deal. In case you haven't noticed, I've been making an effort to note the developmental advances he's made and record some of the things I want to remember about him at each monthly milestone. It's already fun and eye-opening to look back at how he has changed. I don't have a real baby book, so I'm sure one day I'll find some way to preserve these entries.
At 7 months old, he's not quite crawling. Since the week before Christmas he has been experimenting with getting up on his knees and rocking back and forth. More recently he spends most of his tummy time like this, whereas before it was pretty infrequent. As of last Friday, I saw him go from this position to sitting. I wasn't expecting this to happen before crawling, but I'm so glad because most of the time he prefers to sit instead of be on his tummy. So now he has the ability to do it without my help (c:
In addition to that skill, he's shown a lot of interest in pulling up. He tries to pull up on our dining room chairs, the couch, his crib, dresser, or changing table, and of course reaches for our kneecaps when we get close enough. He's gaining strength and confidence to make his limbs do what he wants them to.
Vocally, he's still a chatterbox when he gets going. He likes to repeat, "RaRaRaRaRa" among other things. He has taken to squealing/screaming/screeching/chirping really loud. So loud and repeatedly I sometimes want to apologize to our downstairs neighbors who have two babies. Usually the outbursts are with joy, but he sometimes uses them to express frustration. Like if he's sitting in his high chair while I get his food ready and he's getting impatient. One of the funniest things he does is clench his gums, open his eyes really wide and raise his eyebrows, and hold his breath while he turns red and clenches his fists. I have no idea what this is about... I think he just likes the look of bewilderment on my face when he does it.
Over Christmas I transitioned him back to 2 solids feedings a day. I know that what time of day he eats what doesn't matter to him, but I like giving him fruit and cereal in the morning and veggies in the evening (c: The fruits he has tried are just bananas and plain applesauce. He usually eats those with blended up oatmeal. It has taken longer than I thought it would, but he has come to love these. The veggies he has tried are carrots, green peas, green beans, acorn squash, broccoli, spinach, and most recently, avocado. I have some yellow squash in the fridge that he'll try next. When he tries something new, it's always with a grimace and a gag, at least on the first few bites. The only exception has been spinach. Surprisingly, he took to that like it was his everyday favorite from the first bite. He'll eat it cold, too (ew!).
This month I have finally managed to make myself stick to a schedule (mostly, anyway) when it comes to his sleep. I would have thought, knowing myself and how I like to make lists and schedules, that this would have happened on its own long ago. The problem is that even if things are going good, I have to wonder if a change would make it even better, so I change it up. And we get thrown off. So the past few weeks this is the schedule I've been keeping.
6:30-7am - His wakeup. If he wakes up earlier he has to stay in bed til then. If he is still asleep past 7:15 or so I wake him up. The vast majority of mornings he wakes around 7am though. I give him his medicine first thing.
8:00am - Nurse
8:30am - Fruit and Cereal
9:00am - Nap#1. Finally these are stretching out to be an hour or more.
11:30am - Nurse
1pm - Nap#2. Ideally, an hour or more. Unfortunately though this one is still often short (30min). I have been letting him cry for up to an hour. Once he went back to sleep for another 45 min. It's really frustrating when this one is short because a third nap comes at a really awkward time and can interfere with his bedtime.
3:00pm - Nurse
4pm - Variable Nap#3
6:00pm - Medicine
6:30pm - Nurse
7:00pm - Veggies
7:15pm - Bath
7:45pm - Nurse
8:00pm - Bedtime
Then he'll usually wake up around 2 or 3am for another feeding.
There are still improvements to be made. His naps are still too short, and his bedtime is still too late. This isn't just my opinion - short naps are indicative of over tiredness. His bedtime was earlier - we tried for over 2 weeks to get him to go to bed at 7. The problem was not getting him to sleep, it was getting him to stay asleep. But I know that those wakeups that came after the earlier bedtime are also an indication of not getting enough sleep. I know it sounds crazy. But babies his age need at least 14 hours of sleep, and he's only getting about 13 on good days. It doesn't sound like a big gap, but that hour or more that he doesn't get every day is what is causing the problems that we're having. Most people don't realize how much sleep babies actually need.
I found a Godsend, Weissbluth has a blog. While he can't answer all of the questions himself, there are a lot of moms on there who are extremely helpful.
Babies Declan's age who are successfully on the Weissbluth method go to bed before 6pm, have 1 or 2 wake ups for night feedings, sleep until 6-7am, and take 2-3 solid (1-2hr) naps per day. The bedtime is early, and yes, it does limit what we can do in the evenings a lot. Our church meets at night. We had determined a long time ago that Sunday nights would be an exception, a night where he could stay up later. But now I'm wanting to get back into doing the Women's Bible Study on Wednesday nights, as well as Zumba on Thursday nights. So it is a conflict.
I am having to remember a few principles. One is that it is important to protect the sleep schedule. Now that he's older, I don't have to be home all the time. The time between his 2nd nap (once he drops the 3rd nap) and bedtime will be a great time to get him out of the house, but we'll need to be back in time to get him in bed. The second principle is one that my Great Grandmother taught me - to give them the first year. As a mom, you really give them more than that, but it is helpful for staying strong and justifying your "strange behavior" to others when they don't understand why you don't want to go out after 6pm. I have been accused of "not living." That's not it at all. It's just that I am giving Declan the first year. I'm trying to set him up to be well-rested, comfortable, secure. I'm trying to give him good sleeping and eating habits that he will hopefully carry for the rest of his life.
Anyway, I have a small soapbox for this. Maybe I'll express myself fully in another entry. For now, my little boy is asleep and I should be too. Goodnight (c:
