Friday, January 7, 2011

Far Away Will Our Eyes Now See The Day, For Today The Everlasting Eternal Sun

We missed our appointment on Tuesday (woops!) and had to reschedule it for Thursday (yesterday).  But, happily, I got what I wanted.  Our gender appointment is scheduled for next Thursday at 4:15pm.  After the appointment we will promptly leave for San Antonio, knowing a lot more about who our baby is and-no doubt-inexplicably more excited.  We knew we wouldn't want to go back to work after we find out, so I am happy to get the appointment late enough to get on the road and have the next 6 hours between us to daydream out loud about this new person we are going to get to both mold and in turn be molded by. 

At the appointment, Ryan got to hear the heartbeat.  Of course he loved it.  It was strong and clear and fast at140.  The coolest thing to me was that the kiddo kept rolling over or moving, so we'd hear the heartbeat for a few seconds and then *woosh* the noise of the movement, and we'd have to move around to find the heartbeat again.  Playing hide and seek apparently (c:  It made me happy to imagine it moving around so much.

Don't feel like parents.  We pondered last night, if the baby inside me is a real baby and has been from conception, at what point is Ryan a dad and me a mom?  This is not a role I am feeling.  Although I do look extremely maternal when I see myself in the mirror and the bump out front.  Makes me feel like I should be waddling.  There is still plenty of time for that, though...

Every week that goes by brings us closer, and now that we're in the new year I think things will go faster.  I am not anxious or worried about anything, but I do wish we knew a little bit more about where we will be when the baby is born.  For those of you who may not already be aware of our plans for this year, our plan is to get a plan.  I don't like not knowing where we're going to be, but on the bright side, the possibilities are endless.  It is an opportunity for God to put us where he wants us, I just have to keep telling myself that.  I already know he knows what we need and that he cares.  My proof of that is Ryan.  He did such a good job picking him out for me (I am confident I could not have had the wisdom to pick him out myself - I just thought he was hot!)  and even in my humanity, Ryan was the best choice "I" ever made.

Back on subject - I don't remember ever actually telling God that I was trusting him with my husband situation.  But he still took what little I gave him and pulled through for me.  In this future situation, I figure it can't hurt to let God know I appreciate his care for me and let him know I'm trusting him on this one.  In the next 23 weeks, Ryan will be trying to obtain as close to his dream job as possible and we will be moving (maybe across the parkinglot, maybe across the state?). 

We've all been in situations where we had to just wait and see what happens.  Just this time, it seems bigger, because it's the intersections of some major life changes: baby, job(s), moving...  I will be glad when things start to unfold a little more clearly.  For now, I am daydreaming about the possibilities.  When June is past, I will see today more clearly, for now it just seems like a big stretch of unknown.


  1. I know how you feel about the uncertainties! June will be about "the month" for us as well for when we should be decided on what we're going to be doing for the foreseeable future (staying here or moving to CA). It's hard not knowing, so I have to try hard to stay focused on the present.
    I can relate with the husband thing too - God sure knows what's best, even when we're oblivious or even just plain stupid! Something else I need to remember - He's got it all figured out.
    So why are you guys going to San Antonio (business or pleasure)?

  2. We'll be in town visiting people. If all goes as planned, we'll be staying with my parents, spending Friday with my Great Grandma, Saturday with my maternal Grandparents, and Sunday with Ryan's paternal Grandmother with his parents joining us. It's a pleasure trip (c:

    Unless Ryan gets a call from one of the companies he has applied for down south and he can get an interview, then we'll rearrange to accommodate!