Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The Lull and the Stress

So I guess there are times in every pregnancy where there's not a lot going on. I feel like all I'm doing is complaining lately. I only feel sick and tired all the time. I had gotten so much sleep recently and over the weekend that I thought I'd try to do some things last night that needed to be done. But I got dog-tired before I could finish. Could that tiny person, not even 1/2" yet, be pulling on my body so hard that I need 9-10 hours of sleep? By 8pm it feels like way past my bedtime, and all I can think about is sweet bed.

My days consist of drudging through work, going home and getting on the couch to flip between 'Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader' and 'Don't Forget the Lyrics,' then, 'Family Fued' and 'That 70's Show' until I take my early bedtime. All the while knowing I should be continuing my munching regiment but too tired to find something to eat. At work, I've been trying to keep something in my stomach without cluttering my desk with munchies and the front of my shirt and lap with crumbs. Even then, I get queasy. Not enough to throw up, thank goodness, but enough to make everything a miserable task. Day after day.

And there's a blood clot in my uterus and fluid on one of my ovaries which means life gets to be even more drab, as most of my closer friends know. I am not worried, but I feel bad for Ryan as he has to endure almost 6 more weeks of this. I feel like a vegetable. I'm no fun and of no use at all. This is not how marriage is supposed to be.

The light at the end of the tunnel is the week before Christmas. At least then my morning sickness is supposed to let up. Holidays with the family will be wonderful. In January we should be able to find out whether we're having a boy or a girl. I feel like things will flow from there. We'll start readying our apartment.

I have no idea how life is going to unfold. I don't like the complexity of our situation. It's a puzzle and we can't figure out how it fits.

Ryan graduates in May, he can stay with his job until June.
Baby is due June 19.
Our apartment lease is up in June.

Unless he finds a job here, we will have to move shortly after the baby's born (like... within a week).
When/if we move, I will have to quit my job so I will lose my health insurance, so we can't move until after the baby's born.

Oh God, what do we do?

1 comment:

  1. Have you asked at work to see how much maternity leave you can take?