Thursday, November 4, 2010

Maybe, Maybe, Maybe You'll Find Something That's Enough To Keep You

So let's just talk about yesterday.

Wow, I felt good. After I got off work, I rushed home to heat up some not-very-appetizing leftovers, change, and open my new preggie pops that I received in the mail (yes!). Putting on comfy pants with a t-shirt, a fluffy hoody and sneakers made me feel slightly invincible. I wolfed down my food while I talked to Ryan on the phone, then I grabbed my keys and headed back out into the drizzly cold evening. I took my time driving, mostly because it was sketchy weather, but also because this was the first time I had been "out" for several weeks. I didn't realize how good it would feel. It probably helped that I felt good... nay, I felt great! I was soaking it up. I'm sure I just felt normal, but returning to ones normal self after feeling weary, sickly, and slightly depressed for a couple of weeks was - by comparison - better than ever!

(As a side note, hoodies really help my mood. I totally feel cushioned on all sides and that just adds so much to making me feel invincible. I am surprised there is not a super hero with a hoodie, maybe that's what the world needs.)

When I arrived and stepped out of the truck, I smelled the sweet, wet pine. It really did smell so good. Didn't realize how much I had been hiding in a hole and missing out on these experiences that I normally took for granted. Plus it was so chilly! In my hoodie, I welcomed it. When I got inside church I was greeted by all those familiar faces. Gail, Molly, Rachel, Pam, Amy, Maddie, Tammy... even Christine showed up with Rachel! Everyone was so caring and it was great to have a few minutes to catch up. Shortly afterwards, Ruby showed up and it was so fun to have her and Christine there. We sat down and got ready to listen. Rachel had something important to talk about: sex! Men talk about sex, porn, and masturbation in small-group settings all the time. Women talk a lot about sex I think. But when it comes to women dealing with porn and masturbation, it is much less acceptable, and women feel A LOT more ashamed. In discussion, Maddie made a really good observation. She said she noticed that girls who had confessed to having premarital sex were far more accepted that girls who had problems with looking at porn or masturbating. For some reason we just get weirded out about that. Honestly it's really out of my comfort zone to post here on my blog about it. Married women even have trouble being open with their husbands about it, which is really weird when you think about it. Someone who is so accepting and sexually open to you doesn't know your sexual struggles. I think everyone agreed that it should be more talked about, at least one on one, women should find someone with whom they can talk to, if for nothing else to know they are not alone. For practical purposes, to eventually be able to get freedom from it. Why? Because it really does affect relationships and your ability to do more for God.

Further than that, homosexuality. Women are more comfortable talking to/being friends with/accepting a gay man. But when it comes to those things with homosexual women, I have to admit, I am considerably more uncomfortable for reasons you can probably understand. But there is a real problem with how Christians treat homosexuals. We treat it like it's a disease instead of a sin. I really want to get to a place where I can understand and love the person better and see them how God does. That's something I've got to work on, and I am. I think about it pretty often.

Anyway, it was a great discussion as you can probably imagine, and one that could have lasted for hours.

Afterwards, Ruby, Rachel, Christine and I met up at Burger King and spent a few minutes enjoying some Davis 1/2-ness. I wish we had more time! And I felt so good!! I really don't know why. I decided not to take my 2nd Dramomine yesterday so that I could give the lollipops a shot if I needed something (I didn't). This morning I skipped the meds again and made it until lunch when I finally took one. I wasn't feeling too bad, just worried it would get worse. I did have a mint lollipop this morning. It was ok... I think it did help though.

Now it's 2pm and I'm powering through! Back to work (c:

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