I know it's going to sound dumb, but I think I have just grasped a little bit more what it means to compromise. Lately I have been thinking about how I just expect Ryan to do what I want to do. I know that he loves me so much that I have always felt that I could just tell him if there's something I really want and he would grant it to me if he could. Talk about being overly-secure and self-absorbed. It's not just Christmas and giving that has started me thinking about this. It's that we're making plans. I have plans and I have things I really want to do. I know he has preferences too, but I guess subconsciously he just doesn't feel as strongly about them as I do about mine. Doesn't that sound horrible?
I am not really that bad of a person though, I'm sure you couldn't believe I was (c; We actually talked about it and once I realized what I was doing I felt immensely sorry. Right now we have two ideas for what we want to do: his and mine. There is no compromising them in this situation, it's one or the other. I have a good argument as for why we should do mine and up until last night I just assumed that I would be able to win him over with it and in the end we would stick to my plan. But I didn't understand something: he has a deep want. Normally, I think we would all agree (including him) that wants or deep wants are not a trump for what is wise and best. But when it comes right down to it, he's always letting me have my wants, he's kind to me, supportive, scrapes the ice off of my car before he leaves for work, kisses me when I am frustrated because I don't know what to wear, never fails to tell me he loves me at the end of a phone call, listens, stays up and cleans the kitchen/does laundry, the list goes on and on. What he wants, I believe he deserves. Not from God or the Universe or other people, but from me. I am really grateful to him, and humbled and proud at the same time to be his wife.
It's a fundamental concept of marriage, but I am learning it today. Sometimes you get to a point where you want to give up what you want so the other person can have what they want. Duh.